Politically Correct Romeo and Juliet
by LuvRoxasPoop
Summary: A perfect rewrite of the famous Shakespeare tragedy. This time, nobody dies, and it's all politically correct. Please read, it's hilarious.


Politically Correct Romeo and Juliet

* * *

Long ago in the fair city of Verona were two families alike in socio-economic status. These two families, the Capulets and the Montagues, feuded with each other for many centuries on end. the really stupid thing about the situation was that no one even remembered what the feud was over, yet they continued to feud anyway because of bad habit and mere boredom.

One day, a Montague boy by the name of romeo sneaked into the Capulets' ball with a few of his friends. It was easy for them to get in because the front door security did not have a guest list handy, nor did they check for any ID. they all enjoyed the night together and made merry when Romeo suddenly saw a young girl dancing next to him. this young lady was Juliet Capulet who was a mere fourteen and was the daughter of the host. Of course, Romeo found her quite attractive, so he decided to talk to her for the heck of it.

"Hi, I'm Romeo."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Juliet."

"Lovely evening, isn't it?"

"Hey, wait a second... How old are you?"

"Umm,... eighteen? Why do you ask?"

"Oh you player, you're trying to get with me, aren't you? Everyone knows that boys your age always want to talk to young girls my age just to-"

"Your ageism flatters me very much, but never would I have the intention to-"

"I don't care. Leave me alone." Juliet walked away, leaving Romeo thinking to himself, _What an ageist_.

Romeo forgot about his encounter with Juliet and continued to dance the night away. When the party ended, he walked out with his friends and talked about the night. Just then, Romeo checked his pockets and realized that he accidentally left his car keys in the Capulets' ballroom. The worst part was that the car and keys belonged to his dad; he knew his dad would absolutely flip if he knew about the lost keys.

Romeo went back to get the keys but then hesitated to walk right into the front doors to ask Capulet himself for the keys. He decided to take a hidden route to the back of the house where a huge wall and garden were. Romeo climbed over the wall and went through the garden. He saw nothing but a balcony and light coming from a window. He saw the figure of a young girl through the window and saw Juliet come out onto the balcony. "But soft," said Romeo, "what light through yonder window brea-... Oh, 'tis that ageist lady."

Juliet looked out from her balcony and then suddenly spotted Romeo in the bushes. She shouted and cussed at him. "You pervert! Pedophile! Stalker! Get out of here!" she shouted.

"Relax, I just came here for my car keys!" cried Romeo. "You're so ageist!"

Juliet growled and went back inside for a few minutes. Moments later, she came out and threw the keys at Romeo like she was throwing a grenade at him. "Take your keys and get out before I sue you!" Romeo took the keys, ran out to his car, and went home.

* * *

The next morning, Romeo was walking down the street when he saw his friend Mercutio and Tybalt Capulet teasing each other scornfully and drawing swords. Romeo sighed, got up on the top step of a building, and shouted down at everyone to stop and listen. All the boys including Mercutio and Tybalt looked up at Romeo as though he was ready to give a presidential speech.

"Let me recap here," Romeo said. "You guys are having this sword fight which is somewhat related to the feud, right?"

"Yeeeees," muttered the boys as they looked around with hands behind their backs. A cricket sounded as they began to think. A boy finally muttered, "Uh, nobody really... remembers."

"Well," said Romeo, "Doesn't it kind of make sense to end the feud if you can't remember what it's about?"

"Hey," said another boy, "that's a great idea! Why didn't we think of that earlier?" All the boys smiled and skipped along together while singing.

Later on, the Capulets and the Montagues held an ending-the-long-pointless-feud party and celebrated all day long. former enemies got along relatively well and laughed together.

"Gosh, could you imagine if the feud went on any longer?" laughed Lord Capulet with Lord Montague.

"Yeah!" Montague replied. "Someone probably would have died or even committed suicide or murder!"

"Oh, man!" laughed Tybalt. "Or maybe I might have like died as well over something incredibly stupid! What an idiot I would have been!" Everyone laughed even harder at this, for they all knew what fools they would have been if it was not for Romeo.

* * *

In the end, the Capulets and the Montagues became very close friends and started the FFFU (Former Feuding Families Union) and helped other feuding families to get along as well. When Romeo was a full grown adult of twenty-five, he became a chairman and psychologist of the organization. Juliet Capulet, who was twenty-one and no longer had ageist feelings toward Romeo, met him again at a reunion and eventually fell in love with him (for real). they dated for a few years and finally got married legally and with consent from family. And they all lived happily ever after.

_THE END_


End file.
